“Not often do interviewers or organizations ask you about a man’s perspective on things or how they feel about this or that, or what they’re told coming up.”
“Stigma and “being a man” is talked about so little. But talking about it sheds light on things that should and need to be brought to the forefront. I feel like it’s going to take a lot more to change the stigma, to change what’s typical, what’s ordinary, but I mean you gotta start somewhere. A lot of people just keep things bottled up, keep things under the rug, and that’s also a part of what’s expected of us. And by us, I mean men. But to change the stigma, we have to talk about it and be open, be upfront , and be able to put our emotions into words.
I know from having been in situations where somebody needs to step up to the plate that a man is someone who can handle situations thoroughly and thoughtfully.
I was born in Bridge City, but I’m from New Orleans, and I was an only child for six years until my first brother came along. Now, I’m the oldest of eight siblings. My dad has always lived separately from me. My dad is in my life but more like my best friend, which is cool and all, but he’s not effectively teaching me how to be a man. I’m kinda already in the process of it and he’s just listening to it. I like the dynamic that we have, I feel like I learned how I’m going to treat my children from my dad but as far as being a man, in general, I definitely learned that from Jerry Springer.
As the first born, I see differences in how I was raised compared to my other siblings, and I feel like a lot of things were harder on me. But I’ve also gotten to see a lot of things while I was coming up. For example, I’ve seen some of my siblings’ fathers get tossed out and no shade to any of them because they’re great people but I learned from their mistakes. I think about one man that was around for about 11 years, give or take. He was very short-tempered. Now I feel like there’s no way I could ever be like that. Being short-tempered is out the window. Like that’s not me; I’m very patient. I’m very calm and level-headed and I avoid cataclysmic situations. These men were a big influence on who I am. Because I’ve seen things from them that I don’t want to forget and don’t think I can.
But even though I learned a lot from what not to do, now I know that you have to be more open to learning and you shouldn’t just learn from what you see, who comes in and out of your house. There are more effective ways to learn. Putting yourself in situations where you think about the difference between you and another person, what makes you special, what makes you who you are…it will lay out the blueprint right there on how to be a man. I know that just because I didn’t engage in as many altercations and fights with other people didn’t mean that I wasn’t normal. It’s really important to stay true to yourself and not make comparisons. Not making comparisons is exactly what makes you a man. Because changing who you are is the least effective way to be a man.
I definitely think that one of the most important things that is left out of the conversation when talking about being a man is being yourself.
I’m only 21, so I’m still sorting things out, but I’m learning now that I’m not your typical modern-day man. Because I feel like I am myself. I don’t think I’m super tough and hard to the core but I don’t think that doesn’t make me a man, either. I think what is accepted and what is expected is somebody who is big and burly rather than somebody who is himself. And being able to embrace that and reflect that positive aura off of you throughout the day is the most manly thing of all. Because it takes power and it takes comfort with yourself to say “OK I see how everything else around me is, but I prefer to be this way. I prefer to be like this.” And that is powerful. That is tough and burly in my eyes. But it’s left out, and so many people now decide that if they’re not like the next guy, then they’re not a man.
I prefer to let my actions speak. But, again, it doesn’t align with today. It doesn’t align with now. It doesn’t align with what most women expect in a relationship. You kinda have to work harder to find it because I’m not gonna change who I am at heart. Because that is manly to me. And changing it and becoming what someone else depicts as a man is not. Maybe I’m just born at the wrong time.
Listening, giving back, being attentive, responsible, a provider, reliable, always being there, and capable of making sure things are tied down and not hectic. That’s how I feel a man should be.
In regards to mental health, when I was younger and even now, I see a lot in my brothers. There is complete negligence in every way, shape, and form of mental health in general. Ya know, everything is so focused on, at least in my household, sports. Which is fine, but we ignore that aspect and we even contribute to making the mental health of each other worse. We should be able to uplift each other and we don’t do that. Living in a Black household, I have learned that a lot of parents don’t really put a lot of emphasis on mental health.
I feel like me being who I am, it’s important to me that a positive aura is maintained. Because, in unintentional ways, it makes your mental health better. It makes your days better and it just overall does better for you. So because of the fact that that’s such a low awareness or lack of awareness on mental health altogether, it just kinda goes unnoticed. And men especially, because we’re told and expected to suppress things more than others. All of those problems can go unnoticed. For example, before I became my own person and before I started going to college and learning about things on my own. I thought like a therapist was one of the most unneeded things ever.