“I feel like people should really like stop with all the “Oh men don’t cry or show emotion.”
“When people just believe societal norms, when they see men show emotion or cry they think, “Oh my God, you’re such a p-word. Man up. You don’t need to cry.” To me, it’s sad that this is the type of world that we live in.
Some people see being a man as just like being all about guns and stuff, and not showing emotion. Like a vampire. I don’t agree with that. To me, being a man is being somebody who takes care of, supports, and protects their family; no matter what. They don’t discriminate against people and aren’t that basic stereotype of men who don’t cry or don’t like gay people and all that. ‘Cause some do. I have some straight friends that like me very much.
I wanted to be a part of this project because I wanted to make a change for myself, express how I feel, and get my voice out there. I also find it really important for other people to get their voices heard as well. It’s great to always have representation from other people and to have their voice and experiences heard. When people share what they’ve been through, others who’ve experienced the same thing might feel less alone.
I didn’t really learn how to be a man. My mother always told me to be myself.
I did learn some basic skills from my grandpa, who sadly passed away. I had to put on a facade during all of my middle school years because it was a really bad school and a lot of people didn’t really accept homosexuals — besides the girls — and I experienced a lot of bullying from everybody. So I just put on a facade, talking about some “oh I’m straight, oh I don’t play that gay s ya know?” There was a boy at my school who was openly gay and he was bullied, but he didn’t really care. I was like dang, I wish I could be as confident as him, but I didn’t feel like I was able to do that. And it actually took a toll on that boy at my school, and he started cutting himself. It was not the best way, but I thought I’ma just put on this facade. I really felt pressured to deny myself and I really felt like I wasn’t being true to who I was. It was kinda sad that I had to put on that facade because of my environment, and I couldn’t really be who I wanted to be.
After that experience I realized that, basically, I just had to do what I thought was right and didn’t really care what anybody said. So I just paid attention to what I wanted to do. I feel like that worked out well for me because I was able to express myself freely. I didn’t have to hide, most of the time, because I didn’t know how people would react to me being a homosexual male in a straight male white-dominated society. It was a great opportunity for me to express myself and who I really am. To just be who I want to be and not be somebody that somebody else wants me to be.
I disagree with basically everything about the typical definition of a man because it doesn’t represent who some men really are.
I feel like it’s important for men around my age range to think about these things, so that other men coming up don’t have to feel pressured because people want them to be something that they’re not. That pressure and having to put on a facade can lead to mental health problems like anxiety and stress, and can take a really big toll on them and could also lead them down the path of contemplating suicide. That is very concerning. I never really lost anybody to suicide but I don’t want that to happen to anyone else. That’s just not the way to go, so I want people to know what they want to be, so they don’t have to fit into societal norms about what men are and what men aren’t.
The way that masculinity looks in some romantic relationships can also be really concerning. Some men still do live like in the old days, thinking women are just supposed to shut up and listen to them - but that doesn’t really happen. And that can make them angry and sometimes leads to abusive relationships and sometimes end in casualties. That said, sometimes, it can be the woman that winds up getting severely hurt or the man because the woman got tired of their BS and took matters into their own hands and decided to put rat poison in their coffee in the morning…
Don’t be afraid to show your true colors. Come out when you want to.
I waited till I graduated to come out. Sadly my mother and my aunt found out before graduation, but I’m glad that my mother accepted me for who I was because I am her child. Don’t have people pressure you when to come out cause sometimes, that can lead to people getting disowned, and I want people to come out on their own time. And at a certain age when they’re financially stable so they can buy their own apartment if they do get disowned. So…just be who you are.
I want to tell people that societal norms are not the way to go, that they’re not true to who some people are. There are people who are gay and not afraid to express their feminine side. I have a good friend that’s comfortable with his sexuality and likes to paint his nails; nothing’s wrong with that. He knows painting his nails is not gonna make him automatically gay. He treats me with respect and I treat him with respect and we just go about our business and we’re good friends. So that’s like a reminder that it’s also not gay to embrace your feminine side. Paint your nails, let your daughter do makeup on your face. It doesn’t make you gay. It just makes you more understanding of what other people go through.